Two or more competing incompatible inner “mandates” for behavior aimed at achieving approval, by someone using approval to feel alive.
In this method, there is a special situation described by ‘inner conflict.’ Children and adults who have been unable to develop a strong, stable sense of being an [tippy title=”independent person” reference=”/store/members/members-area/holispsych-archive/archive-terminology/archive-natural-sense-of-self” header=”off”]Natural Sense of Self: The lifelong subconscious sense of being a ‘real,’ independent person which develops according to Nature’s plan and timing, if the infant gets the necessary positive responses from the parent. More…[/tippy] [tippy title=”instead develop” reference=”/store/members/members-area/holispsych-archive/archive-terminology/archive-early-childhood-survival-strategy” header=”off”] Early Childhood Survival Strategy: When an infant’s doesn’t get consistent positive responses from her caretaker, the infant ‘tries harder’ to fill the unmet need, by (subconsciously) choosing particular behaviors. This lays the foundation for unhealthy motivation. More…[/tippy] certain subconscious mandates, ‘things I must accomplish, or [tippy title=”ways I have to be” reference=”/store/members/members-area/holispsych-archive/archive-terminology/archive-ego-references” header=”off”] Ego-References: Subconsciously-accepted requirements to feel and behave certain ways, and achieve certain results, to feel approved, as a substitute for feeling like a ‘real person.’ More…[/tippy].’
These are initially geared towards getting approval from the caregiver. Later in life, they are [tippy title=”geared toward getting” reference=”/store/members/members-area/holispsych-archive/archive-terminology/archive-hidden-agenda-hidden-goal” header=”off”]Hidden Agenda or Goal: A purposeful seeking of a situation or event in which the ultimate purpose of parental approval would manifest itself and that leads to ‘Feel-good-about-Self.’ More…[/tippy] (often via inner or outer approval) [tippy title=”an emotional ‘high'” reference=”/store/members/members-area/holispsych-archive/archive-terminology/archive-feel-good-about-self” header=”off”] Feel Good About Self: A fear-based emotional ‘High’ from accomplishing what leads to approval from the parent, and which serves as a temporary and unhealthy substitute for a sense of being a ‘real’ person. More…[/tippy] which is the [tippy title=”closest the person ever gets to feeling ‘real.'” reference=”/store/members/members-area/holispsych-archive/archive-terminology/archive-substitute-sense-of-self” header=”off”]Substitute Sense of Self: What Nature creates in children who are not regarded by their care-givers as independent autonomous Beings; a compulsive drive for achievement-based approval, to feel a fleeting imitation of ‘Being’. More…[/tippy]
Over time, people tend to adopt [tippy title=”mandates” reference=”/store/members/members-area/holispsych-archive/archive-terminology/archive-ego-references” header=”off”] Ego-References: Subconsciously-accepted requirements to feel and behave certain ways, and achieve certain results, to feel approved, as a substitute for feeling like a ‘real person.’ More…[/tippy], which conflict with one another, or situations can come up in which satisfying one mandate means sacrificing success with another – for example, ‘practice until perfect, or leave now to be on time’.
Since so [tippy title=”much is perceived to be at stake in the outcome of trying to satisfy these mandates” reference=”/store/members/members-area/holispsych-archive/archive-terminology/archive-fear-of-annihilation” header=”off”] Fear of Annihilation: Terror in anticipation of the experience of being unheard by, and invisible to, others. More…[/tippy], the anxiety and stress such a ‘no way out’/’no-win’ conflict generates is out of proportion compared to the ordinary outcome of the intended action or behavior. A high degree of anxiety accompanying a seemingly relatively minor incident in life often indicates that more is going on beneath the surface. The anxiety can, in turn, lead to severe insomnia and other physical problems.
- Illustrated Card Set for the Language of the Sense of Self Method Ego References? Substitute Sense of Self? Vehicles? The terminology used in the Sense of Self Method takes a bit of getting used to. But as you do you begin to see them not just as explanations but as useful tools for recognizing and dealing with circumstances and suppositions that keep you separate from your Healthy ...