Why do some people seem to have all the strong self-confidence?

The self-assured colleague, the optimistic best friend, the sibling who has it all together: Do you ever feel surrounded by people who seem to have all the strong self-confidence? Doesn’t it sometimes seem like they’re just sailing through life on their buoyant self-worth, while you struggle to stay afloat? 

As you develop self-awareness, stockpile self-management tactics, and come to realize who you truly are, you may still have days when you experience self-doubt, when it feels like all the work you’ve done on yourself is collapsing back on top of you. But this is totally normal.

It takes time to develop and sustain your healthy Sense of Self.

Perhaps you’ve already discovered that a healthy self-image, strong self-confidence, and your Sense of Self are interrelated yet distinct elements that play off each other.

Your Sense of Self (SoS) is closely related to the image you have of yourself that was formed based on the ongoing verbal and nonverbal messages you received from your parents or caregivers during childhood.

When the messages you receive as you’re growing up are positive and acknowledge you as an independent person, your Sense of Self will thrive. And if this was the case, chances are your self-image is healthy and active.

The positive feedback and reinforcement (of you-as-your-own-person) you received as a child are the foundation for your self-esteem and self-confidence today.

All the elements that make up this early childhood experience affect your desire and ability to move beyond a state of fear and dependency.

Jump-starting the quality of your Sense of Self by restoring your SoS raises the level of each one of these elements and, with the help of the SoS Method, this is well within your reach.

Strong self-confidence boils down to developing trust in your abilities and judgment.

Your strong self-confidence does not derive from reflection but is based on an unshakeable inner knowing that you are a unique human being with the birthright to be your true Self.

It’s all a matter of trust. How can you trust yourself if you don’t believe in yourself first, or if your natural belief in yourself has been damaged? And to be able to believe in yourself, you must establish a sense of trust from within by becoming fully self-aware.

How do you strengthen your self-awareness?

By gathering knowledge and information about yourself, you learn how you function on a deeper level. Once you’ve experienced who and what you are (and also who and what you are not), there’s no other option but to go for it and believe in yourself. After all, you’re all you have, right?

From there you can venture out and become self-motivated . . . one step at the time.

So what does self-motivation look like? Depending on the context, many different things… but almost every time, your actions will get you out of your comfort zone.

And when you’re out of your comfort zone, you’re more likely to move in the direction of your dreams because you have an inner conviction that you’re in control of your life and want to do what’s best for you.

A self-motivated person has the self-confidence to take the appropriate steps toward accomplishing their goals.

When the project at hand is yourself, the time you spend and every obstacle to overcome self-doubt is well worth it. Contrary to the impression you get when asking the Internet, How do I build my self-esteem? you can’t skyrocket your self-confidence overnight.

When exploring how to increase self-worth, know that your self-worth may not respond to 25 feel-great-now tips, just as your self-image won’t respond to a free makeover at a sales booth in the mall . . . not in the long-term, anyway.

 It makes more sense to focus on your Sense of Self before turning to the question of self-esteem. But just as with self-confidence and self-esteem, there’s no quick fix to healing a dysfunctional Sense of Self.

This may feel disheartening to hear right now, but also hear this: you already wield the power to heal yourself. Sure, it will take some elbow grease, but imagine the reward!

Cultivating strong self-confidence takes effort, reflection, and time, and is a key ingredient in building and sustaining self-love based on a healthy sense of who you are and what you’re all about. Taking the right steps to restore your Sense of Self will, in the long run, boost your self-esteem so you can achieve all your goals and dreams.

Want to learn more about living a fulfilled and joyful life that’s truly yours? Check out our Healthy Sense of Self Program.

About the Author: Lindsay Dick takes pride in crafting content that is clear, conversational, and draws people in with what we all want to hear: a good story. Her love for compelling narrative and rigorous research led her to pursue a history degree in college, the equivalent of Spartan military training for reading and writing.