Happy Holidays! We wish each other the best – for clearly nobody has bad intentions. We look forward to seeing our family members and relatives again. We are adamant that this time around it is going to be a great Christmas. We have a present for everyone and “that awesome gadget you found for Uncle Bob, he is really going to like it; and that bracelet for your little sister, real cute.” They are going to like it! We are going to like it!
Then Christmas comes. Being together with the people who raised us sometimes triggers us. Old hurts flare up – misunderstandings or plain disagreements come back to the surface. We all want so desperately to make it work – sometimes we want to make up for a whole life in which it didn’t. We are determined to not be led into temptation and become angry…
But then comes the trigger: being among the people that raised us subconsciously puts us back in that same old situation. We want peace at all costs and we can’t stand it if someone still reproaches us for something we did or thought back then when we ere simply doing the very best we could. So we feel the need to defend ourselves, justify ourselves – just make it clear to them … then we take a sip of our wine … we can’t have people walk over us … they just need to know that … then we take another sip…
As we increase our intake of wine, we decrease our diplomacy and graciousness. We never intended it to go wrong but Christmas seems to have a mind of its own – in my family it was always war.
Most of us have an indomitable need to be valued, needed, appreciated, and loved. Many of us perceive that we have to do certain things to earn that status and we want to be seen and heard for what we are doing. Isn’t it so funny that we are all in the same boat: we want to be valued, respected, needed, loved.
Here are two things to remember:
- You are your own person no matter what you do or not do.
Being and doing are two different things:
You ARE already and nothing you do or not do changes that.
Your life doesn’t depend on what other people think of you. Agree to disagree and let it be.
- Sense your self throughout the Holidays and especially during those family gatherings: I am my own person – My Life and my Body are mine!
Squeeze your self at times (gently:)) so you feel you have your body, so you know you have your self and that nobody can take that away from you.
Enjoy your relatives but stay put and know that we are all separate human beings – there is no hiding from that once you are out of the womb!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Happy 2015!