Lesson 3 Review Answers
Submodule 3
Q1) Describe in a few words what is an Early Childhood Survival Strategy (ECSS).
The ECSS is a collection of conclusions drawn when you are a toddler or a child. Its purpose is to help you meet your need for parental attention, when you don’t feel really seen and heard, acknowledged as your-own-unique, potentially-autonomous-little-person.
In other words, this strategy is born if your parents are too self-absorbed to truly see you as an-individual-human-being-with-a-life-of-your-own, and relate to you as a-pawn-in-the-game-of-their-own-lives.
In this early stage of your life, approval is often mistaken for acknowledgment.
The moment this parental acknowledgement of you-as-your-own-person doesn’t take place, your goal, as a child, becomes to gain their approval instead. This process becomes the basis for an unhealthy way of experiencing your Self.
Q2) What is mirroring and why is it important?
Mirroring is a subtle process that starts in your early childhood, during which your parents pass on important messages, about how they see you (or not see you), about what you mean to them. These messages are then used by you as a child, to form your self-image.
This message can be positive, acknowledging you:
“Even though you are still a child, to me you are your-own-unique-little-human-being. I see you as your-own-person. And as such I know that you are fully entitled to your own emotional life and to discover your Self and the world at your own pace.”
Or it can be negative, stifling and create an immediate dependency:
“You are only a child. Therefore, you have to attune yourself to me. Because I am your parent, you will have to adjust your needs and wants to match mine.”
As a child, you accept what your parent projects as the-truth-about-who-you-are.
If you could talk to your parents at a very early age, you would probably want to ask them: “Do you really see me? Do you accept me for who I am?”
Every human being has an innate need to manifest himself. Being shamed for this inclination as a child, or punished, can have serious consequences for the development of your Sense of Self, and with that be a set up for a life of struggle and uncertainty.
Q3) How are Mirroring and Early Childhood Survival Strategy interconnected?
The ECSS is created when your need, as a child, to feel acknowledged as your-own-person is not met, due to your caregiver’s inadequate Mirroring.
For you, as a child that means that you feel forced to transform yourself in such a way that you stand a better chance to live up to the criteria, you know you need to meet, to get your parent’s approval.
By doing so, you still hope they will acknowledge your-existence-as-your-own-person, but unfortunately, since it is not your fault but theirs that you didn’t get that acknowledgment, all you get is their approval.