Lesson 5 Review Answers

Submodule 5

Question 1) What is the origin of the term “Ego-Reference”?

“Ego” is another word for “I”, but it does not refer to your real SELF. In the SoS Method the word EGO is used to indicate that we are talking about a, so called, artificial Sense of Self, the fake SoS that is there to fill the inner emptiness that exists in a person with a LoSoS.

An Ego-Reference is an activity or behavior that aims at feeding that artificial Sense of Self. In performing an Ego-Reference, you are using this specific activity or behavior, to show off that you are good enough after all, hoping to get your caregiver’s approval. That approval leads you to Fgas, which functions as this fake SoS.

Performing Ego-References is an act of Indirect Motivation.

Question 2) Are Vehicles real cars?

No, in the Sense of Self Method, a Vehicle is an activity, behavior or event that is used to demonstrate an Ego-Reference.

For example:
Sending thank you-notes can be the Vehicle for the Ego-Reference of “being attentive” (in contrast to what causes your parents to disapprove of you).
Or tidying up your house can be the Vehicle for the Ego-Reference of “showing that you are not a messy person”.

So, Vehicles are carriers for Ego-References. They provide opportunities to demonstrate that you DO know how to do something or can perform in those specific ways that please your parent. If you have a Lack of Sense of Self, you are always looking for Vehicles to show your parents or other authority figures that you are better than they thought (than you think they thought).

Question 3) Which are the two concepts in the Sense of Self Method, Ego-References and Vehicles are related to?

Ego-References and Vehicles are closely related to Indirect Motivation and Early Childhood Survival Strategy.

Ego-References are the results of a process of trial and error in finding ways to get your parent/caregiver’s approval, that takes place in early childhood and that have turned into a strategy. Vehicles are the opportunities to carry out and demonstrate those strategies so that you receive the desired approval.

Sometimes you create Vehicles and sometimes you use already existing Vehicles.

For example: You can wash your father’s car, when he asks you to, thereby earning the desired approval. The car needed to be washed anyway.

But you can also approach your father and create a Vehicle by offering to wash his car. You may claim that you’re doing this because the car is dusty, but in reality, you wanted to create an opportunity to get your father’s approval. Maybe your father was angry at you and that made you feel uncomfortable, painfully uncomfortable. This way you are trying to change his mind about you and “Feel-better-about-yourself.”