Goodbyes are not my forte although I don’t find it all that terrible to leave a place. What is difficult is leaving my two daughters with their own lives in a big city like New York. I remember my own journey when I was in my thirties, but now as their mother, it is a bit depressing to see how they want ‘to make it’ at all cost in that big, noisy, dirty city while there are so many beautiful places in the world.
They are captivated by the acting world – there are always auditions, always rehearsals. New York is a city where everything happens and there are screaming ambulances all day and all night… (sometimes I wonder how would it be to lie in one of those?)
I must remind myself; we had a good time – it was fun! Now, I have to leave my hotel at 11 AM – pack up and go. I am alone in a room too dark for my taste – my husband is on a business trip. “Can I have some light,” I asked the front desk when I arrived. After three days I get a floor lamp – “very nice, thank you.” Oh well, it’s actually a party hotel but I wanted to do some work, get some stuff done. And I had hoped that I could go over some work with my daughter. But she is so busy – there are so many dilemmas. What should I focus on, Laura wonders in despair. Do what I like to do, make money, be social, improve what I do, specialize, go with the flow?
What do I, as an older mother, what shall I focus on? Do what I like (and what is that?), take a step back, promote my work, improve what I’m doing, go with the flow until there is no flow? Everybody is so busy with his or her own story. What is the story of an older mother? I know how it should be: happy, content, accommodating, not egocentric, and above all patient.
The night before I fly back I don’t sleep. On top of it all! Help, I lost my way!
Oh well, my airplane will take me back home safely so that I can take up where I left off. And where was that? I’llgo with the flow – I am my own goal after all, so I tell myself: relax and enjoy the ride.