Despair and Anxiety

Healthy Sense of Self as a remedy for Anxiety, Despair and Depression

Anguish and dread are a normal part of life, but when our anxiety level is not justified by the apparent cause, we need to take a closer look at what is really going on.

As human beings, we are vulnerable; all kinds of things can happen to us. Even when those bad things do not happen, we still experience dread and fear: e.g. fear that if we do not gain certain results today, we might not have food tomorrow or a roof over our heads; fear that we may lose our job or fail to get one.

But people agonize over a lot of minor things as well: We freak out when we are running late according to what we scheduled, or when we don’t finish an assignment on time. We get all worked up when we host a dinner party, or we experience a paralyzing fear when we are about to begin a large project. We fall prey to anxiety attacks just when things seem to be going well . . .

“I am late again,” Anita thought with irritation. “And it all started out so smoothly. How do I always manage to be late, anyway? It’s those last-minute things again . . .” Anita feels self-hatred for making the same mistake over and over, yet she seems unable to change her behavior.

“OK, granted, I haven’t done my assignments for that class. It is not the end of the world! It’s just homework but it feels like I will be condemned to the electric chair if I turn it in late…”. I am almost ready and my dinner guests won’t show up anytime soon. All I need is to get dressed. Why is it that my throat is tight with fear? It doesn’t make sense!”

There always seems to be an explanation for why we feel what we feel. We tend to justify our behavior by looking at what is at stake:

  • “If I don’t do my homework, I will get behind.”
  • “If I am late for an appointment, it will show disrespect for the person I have an appointment with.”
  • “If I am not ready for my dinner guests, it will be embarrassing and I will feel like such a failure.

There might be truth in these statements, but we have to be alert when the intensity of the fear we experience is not congruent with what is apparently at stake. Often there is really no reason for these elevated stress levels as a relatively lesser event or situation is playing out. Here we need to ask ourselves what else might be going on. What is really at play on an invisible level that causes these unpleasant states of anguish?

I believe that many of these anxieties find their origin in what takes place on a subconscious level where drives are generated that are unknown even to ourselves. Did you ever consider there might be a drama at play in the basement of your psyche, and it is that drama that is responsible for your ultimate motivation?

Not being able to realize the goals that are perceived to be necessary within the confines of that drama is what causes anxiety and depression. What we do can be driven by what the SoS Theory calls a “Hidden Agenda.” There can be a degree of urgency in us to realize that goal as if it were something our lives depended on.

Maybe we want to impress someone special or be considered worthy of their sincere attention. We can be eager to receive a compliment from someone we look up to. Craving the respect from a specific person is often the incentive for performing tasks that have the potential to “earn” that. Those are the type of things that can be at play in our subconscious drama and they are of greater importance than we are aware of. They form a substantial part of what motivates us and therefore an unhealthy attachment to the outcome of our actions or behavior exists that can lead to despair or depression when those goals are thwarted.

In the course of my own journey, I discovered what I feared most and what I desired most and it had nothing to do with WHAT I did. It had everything to do with WHY I did what I did. I also had to learn to be honest with myself, because that, ultimately, pointed in the direction of how I liberated myself from the anxiety I experienced on a day-to-day basis. Eventually it even freed me from severe insomnia!

How did I do that? By becoming aware of the following:

You ARE already who you are.

You do not have to do anything to prove that you are better than your parent or caregiver thinks you are.

In other words, learning to see that you don’t have to prove anything with what you are doing and how you are behaving is one step on your path to freeing yourself from anxiety and unnecessary fear. By restoring the ability to sense your Self and by building a true relationship with your Self you can purify your motivations and cut out your Hidden Agendas and that is what keeps dread and despair at bay.

Healthy Sense of Self will take you on a fascinating journey to your Self, while revealing your inner workings and your ultimate truth. Identifying what has motivated you so far and dethroning these old strategies enables you to be free to make different choices, which lead to different outcomes. Living your life without the undermining interference of unnecessary fears plus the freedom to consciously choose your goals in the present allows for true joy and productivity as well as for being more loving and tolerant to your Self and to your immediate environment.

*I, Antoinetta Vogels, author of Healthy Sense of Self and creator of the Sense of Self Method, am neither a medical doctor, nor a psychologist, but I share my SoS Method with you as it has helped me to greatly improve my own life and that of my family; it can do the same for you.

Related Posts

  • Here’s What You Need to Do for Yourself This Holiday Season
    It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Unless you dread the inevitable holiday stress, that is. You’ve been working hard to restore your healthy Sense of Self all year long, and you’ve come a long way with your self-care practice. But when the pressures of the season catch up to you—gift buying, trip planning, hosting ...
  • Ready to Overcome Your Fear of Change?
    Why do some of us struggle so much with change? A particularly relevant question in the current coronavirus disease situation we’re all facing. What’s the reasoning behind this fear of change? Keep reading for a few powerful techniques you can use to overcome this illusory fear . . .  Think back to the last time you ...
  • The Valuable Art of Healthy Self-forgiveness
    The Art of Self-forgiveness The self-healing process often begins with self-forgiveness and will only be possible if you’re able to fill yourself up with a stronger Sense of Self. And over the years, we’ve noticed there’s definitely an art to self-forgiveness.  It all starts with becoming aware of who you are and why you behave the ...
  • Here Are 3 Natural Ways to Help You Sleep Better
    Do you wish you could simply sleep better at night?  In the midnight hours, do you lie there sleep-deprived, worrying about your responsibilities as a parent, wife, sibling, and/or daughter—tossing and turning—wondering if you said and did the right things? Or do you find yourself awake in the wee hours of the morning . . . ...
  • Narcissistic Abuse, an antidote against it.
    It’s not your fault!   If you are eager to step back into the groove of trying to make it work at all cost – Often at the cost of your Self! Trying to make your relationship work, your marriage, your job, your behavior, or that change in attitude… It is not your fault To be so anxious that, again, it won’t ...
  • Self-destructive Behavior
    It is a loaded term: self-destructive behavior. In essence what it comes down to: doing things that are bad for you. The more often you do them, the weaker you make yourself. The worst kind of self-destructive behavior is suicide, although you might wonder what is worse: letting yourself slide downward until you feel so miserable that ...
  • Holidays Are Supposed to Be Joyful Times, Right?
    I don’t know about you, but I always look forward to holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love the food, the music, the peacefulness of the picture-perfection in ads, movies, and images of the Season, the coziness, and safety of family coming together, like circling the wagons in the old days. Most of us are ...
  • Anxiety and the holidays: 13 ways to cope.
    Dear Author of this blog post: Thank you for a thoughtful, well-paced, and compassionate post: Lots of insights. Lots of wisdom. I appreciate your discernment too. “Remember that part of their personality is the anxiety. Remember that part of them, the compilation of life experiences that they are made of, is the anxiety. It can have some benefits too, ...
  • Empty Nest
    Goodbyes are not my forte although I don’t find it all that terrible to leave a place. What is difficult is leaving my two daughters with their own lives in a big city like New York. I remember my own journey when I was in my thirties, but now as their mother, it is a ...
  • Artist Depicts Mental Illnesses As Monsters
    It’s hard to explain: a mental illness is something that you’ll only understand when you’ve experienced it for yourself. However, U.K.-based artist Toby Allen is trying to make it just a little easier on everyone (including himself) to understand what mental illnesses like anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder are like by illustrating them as monsters. “The project ...
Read more related posts