Characteristic of a person who never developed a natural, ongoing inner knowing that he or she feels truly alive as a “real,” independent human being. There is a lack of the healthy, appropriately-developed conscious and subconscious inner knowing and awareness of being alive and present as your own independent, organic, psychologically autonomous entity/human being that characterizes a Healthy Sense of Self.
The SoS Method emphasizes the importance of continuous introspection into what your way of experiencing your “self” is. Identifying that you have an unhealthy way of sensing your self is not a clear-cut task as there is little reference to where to look for and what to pay attention to. So, it can be helpful to start by realizing that you are missing a healthy way of experiencing your self, as you observe it in distinct other people.
The term Lack-of-Sense-of-Self doesn’t add any new content to the Method, but having this concept can help in your self-assessment. It is easier to detect “I have a lack of Sense of Self” than to spot the result of that situation: “I am dependent on a Substitute Sense of Self for my Self-experience.”
The word lack points at two lacks that are interconnected: #1 is that a void had been left inside you, where a Sense of Self should have been. This void started to come into existence in early childhood and at some point, it was in dire need of being filled. #2 is that this void was filled with something unhealthy, the renewal of which continuously required your attention, a situation that lead to the persistence of the lack of that Healthy Sense of Self that should have been there in the first place.
In other words, once you are on the path of being dependent on approval, your path to developing a Healthy Sense of Self is blocked.
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