The nature of your motivation is the key to success.
If you want to make sure you reach the goal you have in mind you have to know what that goal actually is.
We often start something with a certain idea in mind but we never ask ourselves how that idea came to be and yet, that is the most important factor. There are a million reasons to do something or not do it at all.
Here are a few examples:
I’m going to wash my Dad’s car because I like to do it.
I’m going to wash my Dad’s car because he asked me. His back aches too much – no big deal.
I’m going to wash my Dad’s car because I have nothing else to do.
I’m going to wash my Dad’s car because I borrowed it from him and I took it on some dirt roads – the car is a mess. I cannot return it like this.
I’m going to wash my Dad’s car because he pays me for it.
I’m going to wash my Dad’s car to surprise him when he comes home later.
I’m going to wash my Dad’s car because I made him angry and maybe he won’t be so angry anymore.
I’m going to wash my Dad’s car to come in his good graces.
I’m going to wash my Dad’s car because he’s drunk and I’m afraid of his rage.
It helps to ask yourself what motivates you because your outcome has less to do with WHAT you do than with WHY you do it: what is your ultimate goal? That will absorb a large portion of your intentional energy.
In the Healthy SoS Theory we distinguish two types of Motivation: Direct and Indirect, or True and False Motivation ??????????????????
With True Motivation your goal is crystal clear and all your energy is focused on the desired outcome. With False Motivation you use WHAT you do to get a good feeling (about yourself??) The direct outcome lies very much in that same realm. What happens next doesn’t matter too much because it doesn’t have your full attention and intention.
Compare the following thoughts:
A friend of mine had an accident and is in the hospital. I have to go see him because I want to know how he is.
My father is in the hospital. I have to go see him because he doesn’t have any other visitors.
My neighbor is in the hospital. I’m going to see her, so I can show everybody that I’m not as self-centered as my Dad always makes me out to be.
My classmate is in the hospital. I have to go see her so everybody will think “oh how nice of her” and that gives me a good feeling.
The idea that you want to realize can be a type of intermediate step for your real motivation. You could say that WHAT you do is not the real goal but it serves the WHY you do it: to feel better about yourself.
You should always feel good about yourself – your self is all you have!
If you want to read more about this keep following our blogs. The Healthy Sense of Self Method has some 40 specific terms you will not find anywhere else. This is the first blog in a series that will explain all these terms.
The book Healthy Sense of Self – How to be true to yourself and make your world a better place! has not been translated into Dutch yet, but we are working on it.
The Online Course will be available in Dutch shortly as well.