Your actions are more goal oriented, less hesitant, and accompanied by a clearer intention. While the level of intention is difficult to measure, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Intent is the energetic component of motivation.
When your motivation is Direct there is an intent that is clearer than when motivation is Indirect, where a lot of your focus goes to whatever your Hidden Agenda is. That is why where there is Direct Motivation, there is a greater chance of being successful.
With a Healthy Sense of Self, you are less likely to forcefully hold on to things like expectations. Nothing is at stake other than the actual content of the action – in other words, it doesn’t feel like your life is at stake when you have set your intent on something and it doesn’t come to pass.
Here is an example:
“Hey, I would really like to buy that dress- it’s hot today and I’d love to wear it, when visiting my mom. Maybe I can leave my dog in the car and pop into the store for a split second to see if it fits. It won’t take long to try it on so I ’ll be back in two minutes, and my mom would love it if I showed her what I just bought….she might even give me that sense of being validated…”
Did the dog survive? Did this person in her enthusiastic (or desperate) anticipation on her mother’s approval take the time to ask herself what could happen to the dog? That is the question.
This is just one example… With a Healthy Sense of your Self, you don’t need anybody’s validation. You’d be okay whether you got to show her the dress or not. You would take the time to consider the risks of your behavior, for your dog, for your child, for yourself or for others. And ultimately you’d have the ability to prevent injury and enjoy buying the dress for yourself.
If you’re not sure always question your motivation: WHY do I (want to) do WHAT I (want to) do, and be safe!