People with a Healthy Sense of Self have many advantages. The art of setting clear objectives is one of them. If you don’t have to spend a lot of time and energy finding your Self, you have lots of spare time, attention, and energy to fine tune the issues in your life. That pays off.
Are You Hunting for Recognition?
People with a Healthy Sense of Self can focus better. If you don’t have a Sense of Self, you’re constantly on the lookout: What behavior or activity will get me closest to my goal? But, unfortunately, that goal may have nothing to do with what you are doing, but it may have everything to do with what you want to accomplish deep down inside: to “feel-good-about-yourself”
What you really want is recognition from your parents or other significant people in your life. You want to show them that you are worthy of their respect and appreciation. Maybe because you never received it, or not enough of it, and you think that lack of respect, recognition, and appreciation is because of you. But no! It is because of them!
In the meantime, you are stuck with constantly trying to fix that problem. This prevents you from setting clear goals and using your time to address other issues or just enjoy your life.
Lack of Sense of Self
Below is a list of behaviors that besiege people with a Lack of Sense of Self on a daily basis:
- an endless search for their sense of Self;
- regularly self-monitoring performance: Is what I am doing good enough?;
- an inward battle with their emotions;
- they live on an emotional rollercoaster;
- they reside in the grip of the compulsive dependency;
- they’re co-dependent . . . dependent on approval from others; and
- they’re hyper-sensitive to criticism.
You can only set clear objectives if you:
- know who and what you are and also what you are NOT,
- focus on your activity and are not distracted by self-monitoring,
- maintain an opinion independent of your parents,
- don’t let drama overshadow everything in your life; you view things from a healthy perspective,
- normally feel good about yourself; you know you were put on earth in this body and with unique capabilities,
- not dependent on other people’s approval to “feel-good-about-yourself,” or to feel that you belong, and
- can appreciate and handle criticism by using it to your advantage or ignore it without being affected by it.
Life isn’t always fair. If you are so fortunate as to have all the characteristics above, not only are you well on your way to a Healthy Sense of Self but setting clear objectives will also come naturally. You can reach your true goals in life when you are not distracted by hidden goals that appear vital, but unduly take up most of your time and energy and keep you away from doing things that truly matter.
Some people seem to be better endowed than others, but that doesn’t matter: you are who you are. And you’re the only person you truly have. With clear goals in mind, you are more likely to be successful. Good luck!