If you are not firmly bonded with your Self and something you can rely on you can bet that it will reflect in your relationship. Even during the excitement of the first date a bad relationship with your Self can spoil things. For example, have you ever noticed that you start to perspire when you really want to look good? There are all kinds of symptoms, and they can differ per person, that can be an indication to have a look at your relationship with your Self.
You can compare maintaining a good relationship with being a good dance partner for each other. The spectator may think that you are in perfect harmony but if you zoom in on the technique and practice that is needed to project that illusion, the scales might fall from your eyes. Both partners are relatively independent entities that hold the right form. They bring clearly marked and strong Selves to the frame and together they decide at which points it is safe to rely on each other.
In other words, one is not dependent on the approval of the other, but is his (or her) own boss. They each follow their own karma, their own life path, which puts very different challenges in front of each of them and they allow each other space to pursue their quests. They appreciate each other and are attracted to each other. They try not to change the other person, but leave it to the other person to process important insights in their own time and following their own motivation.
What happens if, every time you think that he doesn’t behave the way you would like, and you, for example, are prone to separation anxiety? Separation anxiety would not occur if you are secure within your Self. If you were sure that your Self is something you can rely on, you would never have to be so afraid that he walks out on you, because you know that you will never be totally alone because your Self will never leave you.
So, two things can happen. A) you manipulate him to feel safer, or B) you become afraid of your own emotions, because you don’t want to recognize what you don’t like. If you do, you would have to say something about it and who knows… he may leave.
A Healthy Sense of Self in both partners can be a guarantee for success and a loving development of both lives. One partner doesn’t collapse under the pressure of the other, whatever that pressure may be.
This is an ideal image of course, a perfect relationship. Most relationships are not so perfect, but with the Healthy Sense of Self as your guide, yours can go a long way.
At least, that is how it proved to be for me, for us…