Hunting for recognition
People with a Healthy Sense of Self can focus better. If you don’t have a Sense of Self, you are constantly on the look out: “What behaviour or activity will get me closest to my goal?” But, unfortunately, that goal may have nothing to do with what you are doing, but it may have everything to do with what you want to accomplish deep down inside: to “Feel-good-about-yourself.”
What you really want is recognition from your parents or other significant people in your life. You want to show them that you are worthy of their respect and appreciation. Maybe because you never received it, or not enough of it, and you think that lack of respect, recognition, and appreciation is because of you. But No! It is because of them!
In the meantime, you are stuck with constantly trying to fix that problem. This prevents you from setting clear goals and using your time to address other issues or just enjoy your life.
Lack of Sense of Self
Below is a list of a few aspects that besiege people with a Lack of Sense of Self on a daily basis:
- Endlessly searching for your Self
- Constantly self-monitoring: Is what I am doing good enough?
- Battling with emotional white noise
- Living on an emotional rollercoaster
- Living in the grip of the compulsive dependency to get your fix of “Feel-good-about-yourself”
- Being co-dependent – dependent on approval from others
- Being hyper-sensitive to criticism
Healthy Sense of Self
You can only set clear objectives if you:
- Know who and what you are and also what you are NOT
- Can really focus on your activity and are not distracted by self-monitoring
- Can maintain an opinion independent of your parents, because they are not perfect either
- Don’t let drama overshadow everything in your life and you can see things in a healthy perspective
- Normally feel good about yourself; after all, you were put on this earth with this body and your unique capacities. Some people seem to be better endowed than others, but that doesn’t matter: you are who you are – you are the only thing you truly have! How could you even begin to hate yourself?
- Are not dependent on other people’s approval to “Feel-good-about-yourself,” or to feel that you belong
- Can appreciate criticism and use it to your advantage, or ignore it without being affected by it
Life isn’t always fair. If you are so fortunate as to have all the characteristics above, not only are you well on your way to a Healthy Sense of Self but setting clear objectives will also come naturally. You can reach your true goals in life when you are not distracted by hidden goals that appear vital, but unduly take up most of your time and energy and keep you away from doing things that truly matter.
With clear goals in mind you are more likely to be successful. Good luck!
