“Why should I do the course?” you may wonder.
"How does it work and what can I expect?"
The following scenario hopes to give an answer to those questions.
Living your own life is what you are born to do!
I feel stuck and unable to break through in my life. It is as if I am held back by an invisible force. I feel imprisoned by my own issues and unable to solve them. Yet I am convinced I have so much potential and could be healthy, happy, and successful if I could stop running around in circles and do something different.
I fear that, instead of developing my own potential and Sense of Self, I have learned to behave the way my caregiver(s) wanted so I would deserve a smile from them, since they were too self-absorbed to truly see me and acknowledge me as the person I really am.
OH, now I get it! When I was little they didn’t encourage me to be my Self. It obviously is a skill that needs to be developed. Ideally, all parents know how to be themselves and then pass this skill on to their offspring, but since mine didn’t, I have to teach it to my Self!
Okay, I admit I have this problem. But now that I have learned about the SoS Method I know I am not the only one. Let me think: “I only have one life, so I must make sure it’s mine!” Let me read more about this Method and use it to get out of my predicament.
Aha! That is what I have to do! Get to know myself by actively studying myself. Find out what I am all about, and what are the hidden motives that my decisions and life choices are based on. Verify if these are still serving me at all or else make different decisions. Process the questions and do the exercises. That’s easy! I can do that!
Oh boy! Something is different—something shifted. I AM myself now and everything is falling into place. My health is better! I am making friends! I have a great relationship with my partner and with my kids! I live based on my own choices and preferences. I am alive! My life is mine!
The Sense of Self Method - A Brief and Easy Overview.
Do you live for your self first or do you live for the approval of others?
Do you actually have a say in your own life or are you constantly busy living to satisfy certain conditions?
Are you celebrating and enjoying life or are you totally stressed out? Are you even aware that you are living up to (self-imposed) conditions or are you not aware of it?
Development of a healthy (Natural) Sense of Self
Without the support needed to develop a clear sense of who you are from the time you were born, how can you depend on your very own Self to guide you through life and make fulfilling life choices? If you, for various reasons, have not been in the position to develop a Natural Sense of Self, you will rely upon something else to set your goals and make your decisions.
Substitute Sense of Self
That “something else” has become the thing that runs your life. Even when you think you are the one in control, you are not because it is not your true Self (YOU) that directs your life, but a substituted form that you identify with. Through achievements and specific (perfect) behavior you aim to “Feel-good-about-yourself” and gaining this sensation on a daily basis becomes your goal in life as opposed to living life for the experience of it.
A Substitute Sense of Self is the origin of many problems in life. It can be the source of your compulsion to be approved of, your battles with depression, your sleeplessness, your anxieties, your relationship issues, and even some of your physical ailments.
If things go well for you as a child…
Then you are able to develop a sense of who you are independently, and you feel seen and accepted by your parents. Even when your parents are not pleased with your actions and behaviors, you still have the opportunity to develop a natural and healthy sense of your own Self. You sense and feel that they “see” you as a potentially independent person, a person just like themselves. You learn how to identify your preferences, and your parents help you to become your own person in the world.
If things are less ideal for you…
Your parents/caregivers have their own agenda, not because they are bad people, but they have too much unfinished business to deal with themselves. These parents need things to be “just so”; they need you to be “just so!” People who compulsively seek approval, are conditioned early in life, and to them, their parent’s approval matters most of all.
If, as a child, you don't grow up in a setting where you have the opportunity to develop your own sense of self, you may learn to do whatever it takes to get a smile from your caregiver. And this experience of approval you mistake it for what should be given to you in the first place: your parent’s acknowledgment of you as your own person. This need for parental approval can continue, even after a parent dies, and is most likely passed on to the next generation.
Parents who are not conscious of the impact their self-absorbed ways can have while raising their children, may set up a legacy of addiction to approval.
The cycle repeats itself
Children learn from birth what they see modeled, and they learn long before they can speak up for themselves, and they are also likely to replicate what they know. Parents unknowingly may lack a Healthy Sense of them Selves. They may be absorbed in acting out their own need for approval instead of being able to see their children. These children, like their parents, become dependent on the outcome of their activities or on what others think of them. This unstable foundation causes a Substitute Sense of Self first to develop and then takeover.
The Sense of Self Method
A major part of the Sense of Self Theory describes the ways the Substitute Sense of Self embeds itself into your system and then you are skip living your own life all together. To help you in your healing process, a Method was developed that teaches how to weed out the Substitute Sense of Self and to cultivate in its place a Restored Sense of Self™.
No quick fix
Changing your default ways of being and operating is never easy. It is worthwhile though to do the work to heal your Self both for your own sake as well as for all the people you interact with in your lifetime.