Stopping your work somewhere halfway is hard. More difficult even is quitting when you’re almost done. Even when you can be pretty sure that there will be another day tomorrow it sometimes feels you have to rip yourself from your desk and shoot yourself out of the office and into the car. Once that is taken care of it becomes easier already to turn your back on your activity of the day that you had hoped to get some good results with. Subconsciously you had hoped to go home “feeling-good-about-yourself.” You would be able to face much better what was waiting you at home, whether joy or stress. Your mood would be sort of balanced with not too much frustration and not too much eager anticipation.
If this is familiar to you maybe consider the following: There are two types of feeling-good-about-Self.
One is a feeling of satisfaction about your achievement. It was a difficult task and you put in quite some effort and now that it is finished you feel: I did a good job and I am happy about it. The other, less harmless way to experience a feeling-good-about-Self can be considered to be a compulsion as it is an absolute “must” that you end your day or activity with fgaS. This type ties into a deeper level of your being. In fact this type of feeling-good-about-Self is functioning as if it were a permission to be, to be existing at all. Only when you feel good about yourself your frantic need to get something done comes to an end. Now you feel peaceful and a sort of happy for a short moment.
What is playing is that this state of feeling-good-about-Yourself fills in an inner void – a black hole that for specific reasons occupies the space in your being where there should have been a healthy sense of yourself. This black hole needs to continuously be filled in with accomplishments and approval from others to the point of keeping you hostage to keep providing those. You are totally not at ease if you have to leave this black hole sucking in air and no substance. It is like a big dark animal and there is no way around it…you have to feed its demanding mouth.
The root cause of this need lies in the unfortunate circumstance that your parents or caregivers haven’t been able to provide you with the building blocks for a healthy and natural Sense of Self. You might not have no anchor in yourself and do not experience your body and mind as your ultimate home and a worthwhile home to live for too. Actually the only one we ever get and have.
Getting in touch with yourself and being aware of yourself when you are living in a condition that you really are not isn’t an easy situation. First you have to have the courage to look at yourself – investigate whether you truly sense yourself or are maybe working only to feel-good-about-yourself, which than functions as a Substitute for this sense of self. Next you have to find a way to restore your sense of self. That is what HealthySenseofSelf is all about and we can help you with this.
There is no need to hide behind normalcy any longer and pretend everything is just fine as understanding what can go wrong and why that happened will take away any negative self-judgment and fear of what others might think of you.
All you need is total honesty to yourself, the determinacy to tackle the issue and enough self-love to follow through. And you know the latter develops on the way.
There is an important question you have to ask yourself: am I truly there or am I a juggler who desperately tries to keep her plates in the air? Then there is The Motivation check you can do and details about it can be found on my website at:
Motivation check part 1:
Motivation check part 2
My book: “How to be true to yourself and make the world a better place” is in production right now and here you can also learn about the Motivation Check, and a whole lot more!
But for now I do have a helpful advise for you: first thing in the morning and last thing before going to bed ask yourself: what am I doing this for? What is my ultimate cause in my life. In other words, what makes me come out of my bed every day. What am I all about? And keep asking that question for every answer you get….You will get to the bottom of this and be able to feel-good-about-yourself for that fact that you are who you are and have already what it takes to be you.