HySoS as a Safe-guard against Violent Behavior

Perhaps you consider yourself a peace-loving, non-violent person. You prefer to talk things through and come to mutually acceptable solutions. And yet, when things don’t go your way, you lose control: you yell at your children, you throw or kick things. Getting angry is the last thing you mean to do, but your life is so busy and stressful that it takes all your energy just to keep it together and sometimes anger seeps through… and then you snap!

We are good at finding justifications for our behavior:

“The kids really know how to push my buttons . . .”

“I’ve told my employees a thousand times . . .”

With much drama and persuasion, we tend to report what happened to us to our friends and loved ones.

To whom are you actually addressing your monologue on why things went the way they went? And whom are you trying to convince that, if it had been up to you, you wouldn’t have lost your temper? Are you really talking to your spouse, partner, or child? Or are you soothing your own inner judgment about yourself? Imagine what your life would be like without these justifications. Wouldn’t it be a lot more peaceful?

Violence, whether expressed physically or verbally, is rooted in anger and frustration.

Anger is closely related to fear.

Fear (anxiety and despair) can be active and expressed in rage or passive and lead to depression.

Rage in the extreme can culminate in murder.

Depression can end in suicide, which is an act of violence against oneself.

To understand our anger, we need to look at our deepest fears, and it is not always obvious what those are even though, most of the time, we are able to identify what it is that triggers our anger and/or fear. It is important to realize that it does not necessarily have to be the same thing.

I have discovered that for some of us dramas play out on a subconscious level. These dramas are a sort of prolongation of our past that extends into our present. In those dramas we use actions and events in the present to try to make a change to something in the past. That “something” is the negative way a parent or caregiver thought about us, and it is our goal to change that, sometimes long after its due date and sometimes only in our own minds.

Some of us were raised by a parent who was not equipped to provide us with what every child needs to grow up to become a balanced human being: a healthy Sense of Self, simply because they didn’t have one themselves. That Sense of Self is needed because it forms our inner resource that we base our choices, decisions, and preferences on, in short by which we are guided in our lives. If we lack that Sense of Self, we develop the skill to gain approval from others that then functions as the place holder for it.

Finding hindrances on our way to that approval can lead to extreme fear: the fear of non-existing. When this extreme fear culminates it may lead to murder or suicide. From experience I know that seemingly minor incidents can provoke an intense anger or hatred. Add to these emotions the amount of self-hatred and “hate-of-God-and-the-world” that existed because I was unable to realize “the specific conditions necessary for approval,” and you get the picture of the enormity of this anger. In my life, no terrible accidents occurred but it could have easily gone differently.

Now, in hindsight, I know that this anger was so big because, on a subconscious level, I perceived that my life depended on fulfilling those conditions that would lead to the approval (or even self-approval) I craved

The subject we address here is difficult and this introduction to the SoS does not aim to be complete. What I want to achieve is to get the attention of people who know they host the potentiality for these gigantic, destructive emotions. The SoS Theory can help you discover the reason why you are tortured by this emotional rollercoaster or dangerous depression; it possibly is one that you have never considered.

The SoS Method teaches that your life and/or death does not depend on any “condition” that you feel you have to live up to. The ultimate ruler of life and death is Nature, and I include in this concept of Nature the idea of God. Life is a gift that we have only as long as we have it, and time is very short. The terror of feeling unseen or unheard or not having the right to exist based on other people’s mood or actions can be devastating. But the impact of any blame or lack of approval or respect should be so strong that it would justify you compromising this gift by ending someone else’s life or your own. When you learn to respect and honor your life because you truly are in touch with who you are, you may never again consider discarding this gift. Your Self will tell you how to deal with anything life throws on your path.

The SoS Method facilitates a journey that will help you discover what is truly driving you to behave in certain ways and to pursue certain goals. You will find your internal mental and emotional processes labeled, which allows you to identify and work with them so you can better manage your stress and neutralize its sting faster.

Affecting real change requires a commitment from you. Please be advised: there is no quick fix. But it is possible for you to break the cycle of fear, anger, and violence. If you take on the challenge to study the SoS Method that HEALTHYSENSEOFSELF offers, you will be handed the tools to create your own Healthy Sense of Self as well as for your children.

I, Antoinetta Vogels, am not an MD nor a psychiatrist. Why I want to share here my “Healthy Sense of Self-Approach to solving many kinds of life issues” is because in solving my sleeping problems I was surprised to find that many other aspects of dysfunction resolved itself. Rage was one of them.

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