Do you remember how it used to be in the olden days? Walking from one doctor’s office to the next to find a cure for your condition – going through the routines of describing your medical history to yet the next counselor – trying yet another medication … For a brief moment you think that it really might help but then you notice the side effects. “Is this normal,” you wonder. Now you are forced to give your attention to some side effects and that brings you even further removed from being cured from your initial ailment. Your doctors keep asking you questions you have already answered before. How much do they actually know about my symptoms and how much are they just guessing? Do I need a second opinion on this? How much is this going to cost me out of pocket this time?
Can you still remember these tedious routines. “Oh, it is still that way,” you say?
Stop here and pause a bit. It doesn’t have to be that way anymore! We now know that in many cases the answer lies within your self. It is well hidden I admit but it is worth digging up this hidden treasure. And true it gives you work to do, but going to the doctor and standing in line in the pharmacy also takes away your precious time. It is time you would rather use doing what you love to do: dancing, writing music, playing soccer or hiking in our beautiful Northwest.
So why does it not have to be that way anymore for you?
Well, consider the following truth:
Many of us have not been brought up in the optimal circumstances or ideal environments that allow us to develop a healthy sense of our selves. For any number of “reasons”: our parents were troubled, there were too many children for one mother to take care for, or there wasn’t enough money which then caused the family energy to be all about money.
In other words the circumstances were just not favorable for you as a baby and toddler to develop that sense of being the unique and potentially independent and autonomous person you really are. In stead you were forced to develop a type of survival system to get your needs met by your parent or whoever took care of you.
As you grow up you have learned to identify with that system. Yet you seem to be unable to get things to be self-serving. You are not benefitting enough from the efforts made. Do you recognize this nagging sense of resentment in your life?
Here is what has been happening. You have been putting all your energy in your Early Childhood Survival System. And when it doesn’t work you try even harder. If you can’t reach your goal you get furious – depressed or lay awake night after night. Here is what brings the solution: This unhealthy cycle needs one input that is missing so far: YOUR SELF. It’s not working because you have become a slave of your own well-meant conditions that you compulsively are driven to fulfill. But remember, that was initially to please your parent, so you could get approval so you could feel-good-about-yourself.
Now bear with me because here comes the clue: Over time you have taken this state of ‘feeling-good-about-Self” for “feeling YOUR SELF.” So now you are programmed to always strive to get to this state of “feel-good-about-yourself” as you think that makes you feel in order. Where in fact it only reflects your parent’s approval and because you do not have a strong enough sense of yourself, deep down inside that is what you crave. Because you did not have a chance to develop a sense of autonomy for our own being you still are dependent on parental approval, whether it is your parents who give it to you or whether you have internalized their well-known judgment. It still almost feels like it gives you ‘the right to exist’ when that ‘feeling-good-about-Self'” is achieved.
And not having a true Sense of Self it is all you have at this moment. Therefore reaching that state is not a choice – it is a compulsion; it is a matter of life and death.
Unknowingly you have reduced your self to the slave of the compulsion to achieve positive outcomes in action and behavior so you can end up “feeling-good-about-yourself” but in the process you are skipping your own life! The many signs and symptoms of ill health and dysfunction you are finding on your path are ways of Nature, the Universe or God, whatever the name is you give to your Higher Power, to let you know that you are not paying attention to your real self.
“Wake up to the fact that you are walking down a dead end street,” says the chronic problem, insomnia, migraines or chronic pain to you. You no sooner fix one issue and another one shows up … and if you do not recognize this call that will keep you busy till the end of your days.
Once more I urge you to STOP and pivot! Here is the solution: Move from the addiction to Feeling-good-about-Self to Feel your Self or in other words: Sense Your Self!
Please be smart and move your attention, intention, energy to where it serves YOU. Start thinking with your own mind. See how others are about themselves and allow your self to be that way too. Be yourself!
Now so far nobody has ever pointed out how to be Your self. How to actually do that! And that is what the Magic Formula is all about: Move away from the addiction to Feeling-good-about-Self. Cross out the judgmental word “about” and put the word “good” in parenthesis. What remains is: “Feel Self “or in other words: Sense Your Self!
Learn how to truly sense your self. Because only with a healthy sense of self you can fully be your self. How do you get a sense of your self and, most important too: how can you keep it?
Here is the magic formula again: establish a direct connection with your Self and that you do not have to live up to certain conditions before you are able (allowed) to have that Self-experience. But this time I am talking about your real Self – not some substitute version.
“How do I implement this wonderful advice,” you wonder. Well, here is how:
We can consider the Self to be a collection of elements that work together and make it clear to you that you are referring to your own being, your own life: your body with all the organs, their functions, your senses -plus the thinking unit in the center of it – who gives direction and intent to your actions and behavior. There are your emotions and your mind processes that can only take place because of this whole collection that You Have (at your disposition) and that You Are.
That is to say, for the time being…we better use it well because it doesn’t last forever. The gift of ‘living’ is temporary so we better make good use of it.
Aren’t we all in the same boat? Don’t we all already have what it takes to be alive and ourselves? We tend to think that others might be better equipped for this journey called life. We may even think we depend on achieving a good outcome to our self-imposed conditions. Based on that erroneous idea we may justify to ourselves our habit of using other people for our purposes or why it is we want to have what others possess. We have misled ourselves believing it all will help us realize the desired outcome; one that will allow us to feel more of a person.
The only thing though that really helps is: claiming the right and honing the skill to fully be your self. It is time to start out by Restoring your Sense of Self.
We invite you to begin and we are here to be of service.