I still do have nights that I don’t fall asleep or I wake up after a couple of hours and that’s all the sleep I’ll get for the night. Even though I wrote a book about this, there are some aspects of insomnia that are very stubborn. Check out please, if you recognize this:
When I’ve been really enjoying myself, or when something has gone really well and I happily fall into my bed, it happens that after half an hour I realize, oh No: I can’t sleep again! By now it is a well-known pattern for me, of course (because of the book). It basically means that I am not at terms with my Self and that, subconsciously, I want “to prove something” with yesterday’s good results.
To whom do I need to prove that, I then ask myself? The crazy thing is that I think it may be to myself.
Is that so vitally important that it can keep you from sleeping?
Well, let me tell you this: That urge to prove to myself that I am OK, that I didn’t fail, often relates to something I failed at earlier in my life, at least in my own mind. And obviously, it does play a very important role in my life. You could say that it’s almost a matter of life and death that I prove I can be better than that. That, after all, I am able to do it, whatever it is I am doing.
It can also happen that I can’t sleep because on a subconscious level (I really don’t have a clue!) I am scared to death that I will not function well the next day (because of my not sleeping, for example). That really makes me want to sleep, at all cost. But sleep is not something you can force. On the contrary, the more you want it the more difficult it becomes. And how do you stop wanting it? That is not so easy.
The only thing you can do is try to break free from the attachment to the results of what you have to do the next day. Learn to experience the difference between doing things as a performance or as something that comes from the heart; between being inspired and having to live up to an agreement in order to “Feel-good-about-yourself”. You should always feel good about yourself: after all there is only one you!
The same goes for lying awake after an achievement. You just don’t want to let go of that “Feeling-good-about-yourself”. You know the next day that feeling will be gone and because it is so important to you, you simply don’t want to let it go. And then, after a night of struggling, when day breaks, something falls into place and you know: that good feeling is ruined now anyway. No use trying to hold on to it anymore. And then you fall into a deep sleep.
But yikes… the alarm goes off at seven no matter what…
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